Category Archives: Uncategorized

… that these chocolate cupcakes you sent me to the office with this morning (because you can’t eat dairy) are terrible. Just … awful. (Originally posted to Facebook on March 31, 2015 at 1:54 PM)

For example, one of my physical chemistry professors once answered the question, “Shouldn’t we set a data rejection region before starting the experiment?” with the question “Why won’t you stop hitting yourself?” But the student couldn’t stop hitting himself because … Continue reading →

Do we also debate whether or not to wear hats on our feet and shoes on our heads? https://twitter.com/ow/status/577665896241504256/photo/1 (Originally posted to Facebook on March 29, 2015 at 9:02 PM)

Find some dairy-free dairy products. (Originally posted to Facebook on March 28, 2015 at 6:48 AM)

… so that we only have to worry about feeding Eli. We’re eating like diamond-tipped-swagger-stick-wielding plutocrats, and even our bread is no mere bread: The package informs us that it contains an “elegant neo-Tuscan demi-loaf.” Pretty swanky! Thanks, everyone. (Originally … Continue reading →

Jessie: No worries. None of your yoga pants match my mesh “Dukes of Hazzard” tank top or my “Hello Kitty” leg warmers. (Originally posted to Facebook on March 23, 2015 at 12:09 PM)

Man: I do not know whether I dreamt I was a butterfly, or whether I am now a butterfly dreaming I am a man. Baby: Neither. You’re a man hallucinating that he’s a 4th-century BC Chinese philosopher having an ontological … Continue reading →

… if I couldn’t eat without two giants 20+ times my size kissing my head, I’d probably wet my pants during mealtimes too. (Originally posted to Facebook on March 19, 2015 at 8:14 PM)

Because I just told Eli that he’s a “good dog.” (Originally posted to Facebook on March 18, 2015 at 6:23 PM)

http://www.artofmanliness.com/2014/03/19/how-to-poop-like-a-samurai/ (Originally posted to Facebook on March 18, 2015 at 11:29 AM)