Transcript of a Conversation with an Inappropriately Abstruse Children’s Dinosaur Book

Parent: Hey, let’s read your new dinosaur book!
Kid: Yay! Dya-boog!
Book: I’M A SMALL, FEATHERED DINOSAUR WITH WINGS AND TWO LEGS! WHAT’S MY NAME?
Parent: Must be an archaeopteryx.
Kid: Yah! Ark-pix ….
Book: DID YOU GUESS CAUDIPTERYX? YOU’RE RIGHT!
Parent: Uh, no. Nope. Wouldn’t have guessed that. I don’t think I can even pronounce that.
Book: I HAVE THREE HORNS PROTRUDING FROM MY FACE, A HEAVY BODY, AND A BEAK-LIKE SNOUT. WHAT’S MY NAME?
Parent: Oh, that one’s easy. It’s a triceratops.
Kid: Trisopots!
Book: DID YOU GUESS PENTACERATOPS? YOU’RE RIGHT!
Parent: Penta-wha? That’s a TRICERATOPS. That’s CLEARLY a triceratops. Right?
Kid: Fbbblbbbblbbgh ….
Book: I HAVE A LONG NECK FOR GRAZING TREETOPS AND A LONG TAIL TO SWISH AT ENEMIES. WHAT’S MY NAME?
Parent: Obviously a brontosaurus.
Kid: Yah. Bahbosooz ….
Book: DID YOU GUESS ALLOSAURUS? YOU’RE RIGHT AGAIN!
Parent: ARE YOU SH#–I mean, you GOTTA BE KIDDING ME.
Kid: Nonononono ….
Parent: I KNOW! RIGHT?!? That. Is. A. BRONTOSAURUS ….
Book: I HAVE BONY TRIANGULAR BACK PLATES AND A SPIKED TAIL. WHAT’S MY NAME?
Parent: Stegosaurus. You’re a steg-o-FREAKIN’-saurus.
Kid: Yah! Segosobooz!
Book: DID YOU GUESS DACENTRURUS?
Parent: Oh COME ON! That’s a TOTALLY MADE-UP NAME! NOT cool!
Kid: Dockasooz ….
Parent: Wait, did you say dacentrurus … or Dr. Suess?
Kid: Okay!