Apocalypse Dad ….

Dad: Hello, Joe! I understand you’re taking my daughter to the prom!
Joe Shmoe: Yes.
D: Excellent! Please step into my office and have a word.
JS: … Okay …. What … is this place?
D: It’s my man cave! What do you think?
JS: You certainly … own a lot of FIREARMS. And … instruments of–
D: Yes! Lots of very interesting stuff in here!
JS: Who’s THAT?
D: The portrait? That’s my great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great grandfather Lord Alisdair Dad, the Seventh Earl of Carnage.
JS: Huh. Wait, Earl of … what?
D: Yes, he had to emigrate VERY hastily to North America back in 1763.
JS: Why?
D: Well, he … he was involved in a … a murder trial.
JS: A MURDER trial?
D: Yes, he … well, a young man of low reputation … leered at his daughter and couldn’t keep his hands to himself, and that young man subsequently disappeared under somewhat … suspicious circumstances.
JS: Suspicious?
D: Yes, and his body was discovered a year later at the bottom of a VERY deep sandstone quarry.
JS: Really?
D: Well PARTS of his body. Certainly not the entire–ENOUGH of his body to determine whose it was, let’s just say.
JS: Mr. Dad … are you … threatening me?
D: Threaten–what? No! Nononononononononono …. ‘Threat’ is such an ugly word. Let’s just say this is … A FAMILY TRADITION.
JS: Can I go now?
D: Young man, you can leave ANY TIME YOU WANT. Just bring back my little girl at 10:00 PM.
JS: How about 9:30?
D: Sounds great! Have fun!